That Empty Feeling
by CookieCollabs
Summary: Canada's tired of being ignored and forgotten, especially by his brother. What's worse is that they sleep in the same bed. M for blood/gore/Snapped!Canada. Canada's POV Country names used. YAOI  PART 2 IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **That Empty Feeling

**Authors: ****krissykunn****  
>Pairing: <strong>AmericaxCanada

**Rating: **M**  
>Warnings: <strong>Snapped!Canada, slash, blood, gore, yaoi

**Spoilers: **none

**Disclaimer: **I, Kristen, do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers. Hetalia belongs to Himayura-sama, not me. Or Nani.

**Summary: **Canada's tired of being ignored and forgotten, especially by his brother. What's worse is that they sleep in the same bed. M for blood/gore/Snapped!Canada. Canada's POV Country names used. YAOI

**A/N: **I wrote this back in the… second semester of the eighth grade. Probably somewhere around October November, so that means I wrote this about eight months ago. ]This was back when I used their country names instead of human names. Yes, this is a solo fic. I no longer use my KrissyKunn account, as of now, except for Junjou Romantica fanfics. If I… ever get back to them… /emo corner I decided to type this up while staring at my messages. Nani is in Korea right now – she just left not too long ago – so I'm all alone to edit the FFCA chapters, as usual… So, now that my long, rambling author's note is over… Enjoy! And by the way, I will admit that I had to change the original ending I had because I didn't enjoy it enough once I reread. So… The one that's in this one sounds like it cuts short too, but it's more… obvious who they are. Argh, okay, I'll shut up now.

I watched the rain fall from the sky, my eyes having to peak beneath my bangs. The rain drops could be heard inside of the house, the sound of them repeatedly pattering against the roof and the only sound in hearing distance. I was waiting in the comforts of my home away from the downpour.

I was waiting for _him._

He never noticed me when I was at the board meetings for the G8. Or at least it was the G7 now that that damned England was gone. I was never noticed by anyone. That British ass only got in the way with me and _him. _The only time _he _ever noticed me was during sex.

But it wasn't like that until after I had gone and murdered England.

He doesn't know it was me.

The rain caught me in my thoughts and I had to squint through my glasses to see the dark and distance figure coming this way. I made no move to get away when it waved at me.

America was back.

It was normal for him to wave at me. That was also one of the only other times he would notice that I was Canada and that I did indeed sleep in his bed.

I wouldn't allow him to make excuses that he was losing his memory or that he needed a new prescription.

When I saw him smiling at me, my heart skipped a beat, but my mind thought different.

Ridiculous.

"I've returned with groceries!" he called, soaking wet from head to toe. America approached the door and I managed a forced smile when he stepped inside.

"You smell like a wet dog," I commented, like I usually did when he came home like this. When he turned around to take off his shoes, I felt the inside pocket of my jacket to makes sure it was there. "Do you need any help?" I offered.

And just like that, it was as if I wasn't there anymore.

America set the groceries down by the fridge, stretching his tired bones and plopping down on the couch with his drenched clothes sticking to his body. But, surprisingly, his cowlick stood as if nothing had touched it. I touched my long curl and looked at the floor, puddles from America's entrance obvious on the tile.

I stayed by the door, watching him laugh every now and then at the comic book he was reading. But…

His laugh had never been the same since his best friend had been killed.

By me.

I didn't bother to insist that he should take a warm bath before he caught a cold. If he gets sick, that's his problem for going out for Christmas dinner supplies last minute. The thing is…

I bet Russia $50 that America wouldn't make it to the party tonight.

He was the only one who had listened when I mentioned death and anger. I told him that it had been over six years since America had had a decent, human (as human as countries can get) with me or had sex with me that was for love, not need. Russia immediately offered me some of his help, but I turned it down and explained that I was going to solve this problem myself.

And sure as hell was I going to.

I looked up when America suddenly got up off the couch and headed upstairs. I knew that look.

I looked at the floor once more and then silently followed him up the stairs. I spotted him in the bedroom, removing his shirt. When he saw me, he gave me _that _look. That look that said _Come here so I can fuck you into the mattress._

I followed obediently. These were the only moments I could ever have physical contact with him.

It was going to be my last too.

He pulled my shirt off and pushed me onto my back on the mattress. America roughly pushed his mouth against mine and I whimpered, just to please his fix for sex. When I felt his tongue force my mouth open, my hand felt around for my jacket. I felt the object's handle inside of the pocket, my fingers curling around the large hold. I gave a moan and pulled my hand up and downwards, his actions stopping instantly as his body tensed.

America rolled off of me and onto his back once I pulled the knife out of his bare back. He screamed, spazzing in pain. I figured he felt the horrid feeling that I felt whenever he ignored me. It was like you were on fire. A stab to the back.

Right now, I felt that empty feeling.

"Canada! What are y—" His scream was cut off by me when I threw the knife forward and stabbed him in the abdomen. I straddled his waist, pulling the bloody knife out once again. Blood pooled around us, staining the bed sheets.

I'd have to buy new ones later.

There were spots of blood that had splattered the white walls, obvious even in the semi-dark room that we were in. I threw another stab to his stomach. "For six damn years!" I snapped, over his loud shouting. "For six damn years you screw me out of just a normal urge for sex! I wanted you to have sex with me, brother or not, because you loved me! I wanted you to kiss me and touch me… _like you meant it!" _I raised the knife in the air and above my head with both hands gripping the handle, blood trailing down from the tip to my hands to my arms. I let out a choked sound and felt the imaginary tears roll down my face. "If you don't want that… then fine! Go to hell!"

America's struggling stopped when my knife cut into his throat and shut off his airways and connection with the rest of his body. His blue eyes, once energetic and filled with endless life, looked at me with the dullness that I had felt for six years. The nothingness. Lifeless.

I wiped my forehead with my bloody hand, smearing his blood across my face and dripping down to trail down my chin. I gave a small, dry laugh, looking at the wonderful mess I had made. I leaned forward and kissed America's cheek. That's when I noticed that, in the middle of my fury, he had reached out to grip my waist. I pulled his dead hand away in mild disgust, which was overpowered by the happiness I felt.

It was dull, but it was happiness.

I climbed off the bed, walking over to pull my shirt and jacket back on. "I'm off to the party, America!" I called out to the dead body laying on my bed.

I loomed over the bottle of maple syrup on the table in the bright conference room that had been transformed into a simple Christmas party. A tree, lights, presents, and ribbons. It was…

Happy.

It was disgusting.

I felt a presence behind me and I turned around. I had to look up to meet the violet eyes of Russia, my one and only… 'friend'. "Oh, hello there," I greeted, smiling.

It didn't feel right.

"You look happy," he noted, smiling back. But his was extremely creepy, as always.

I nodded, glad to have someone actually talking to me. "I am indeed happy. Thank you for noticing."

His eyes flickered to his right and I looked at Japan, who didn't seem to notice my presence. Despite him being so polite, I already knew he had no idea who I was.

Just like the rest of them.

Russia looked back at me and his tone seemed to drop a few octaves. "So it's the G6 party now, huh?"

I looked at him, my eyes widened a bit. "Eh? What do you mean?"

He took one of his large hands and his thumb brushed against my cheek. He showed me his thumb and I blushed scarlet. I thought I had gotten rid of all of the evidence! "I guess I owe you fifty American dollars, da?" Russia reached for his wallet.

"Ah, Russia, you don't have to…"

"A bet is a bet, and you won, so I will get you your money, Kanada."

I hesitated, but didn't say anything. I looked around at the room and I saw Italy point to Russia, probably whispering something to Germany about how he was talking to himself again. That was false. He's talking to me. Why can't any of you notice me? I turned around when someone tapped my shoulders and instantly backed away violently.

"W-Wait, y-you're…!"

"Stupid Canada," the emerald-eyed country spat. "Didn't I teach ya that countries can't die?"

The other, who was wearing a red scarf around his neck, laughed.

That laugh…

"I-I killed you! I killed you both!" I shouted, causing the other countries to look my way. "Why are you still here? Countries _can _die! Th-There's proof!'

"On the internet?" The one with the thick British accent laughed, dryly. "The internet lies, poppit."

I was grabbed by the throat by England and the last thing I saw was the sadistic smile of America.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **That Empty Feeling

**Authors: ****krissykunn**

**Pairing: **AmericaxCanada

**Rating: **M

**Warnings: **descriptions of pain, mild language

**Spoilers: **none

**Disclaimer: **I, Kristen, do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers. Hetalia belongs to Himapapa.

**Summary: **Canada's tired of being ignored and forgotten, especially by his brother. What's worse is that they sleep in the same bed. M for blood/gore/Snapped!Canada. Canada's POV Country names used. YAOI (PART 2 IS UP!)

**A/N:** Due to request of a continuation, I have decided to make this more than an oneshot. I wrote this while I had some free time waiting for my mum to come get me at school, so if there are errors, blame my phone and my inability to spot them. This is about the same length as the first part, so… By popular demand, I bring you the second part of 'That Empty Feeling'. (There is no gore whatsoever in this one, unfortunately. Hopefully there will be next time. If any of you have any suggestions, feel free to put it in a review, or a message!) My writing has changed a bit since the last one. Just a heads up. Enjoy!

I never really thought about the possibility... The possibility that they just might still be alive. I should have, but my selfishness got in the way. All I could think about was _kill kill kill _and _destroy destroy destroy. _It never came to mind that we, the personifications, could not die. Not unless our country was destroyed.

I knew I should have thought this out better. Because of my mistake, I'm on the verge of killing myself. Yes, we can do that. We can shut down and die, if we're in enough pain. What I put Al through wasn't anything close to what could cause a personification to do that.

I'm such an _idiot._

There isn't anyone around to help. I've tried calling for help, but my voice has failed me. I can't breathe. The most air that I've gotten couldn't even be considered air. I can't feel my legs, or my arms, or my body. I feel numb.

Help.

I think I'm screaming, but I can't tell. I've lost all feeling.

I feel empty.

That empty feeling.

Oh, god. Not again. I don't want to remember. Not anymore. Why didn't he die? Why am _I_ about to die instead? This is nothing like I had planned.

Now that I think about it, I want to die. I don't care; I just want to stop this feeling. It's tearing me apart, and making me regret what I did. I don't _want_ to regret what I did. I'm perfectly fine with trying to kill my brother and his best friend. But, the feeling says otherwise, and it's making me say otherwise as well.

Wait, what's this? Are my eyes opening? The room is dim, but the light still hurts my eyes. How long have I been out? Ugh, the pounding in my head is killing me. I can hardly hear anything, it's so bad. But it's not nearly as bad as the pain.

I remember my glasses being smashed by someone during the fight. Al's were destroyed too, but that was my doing.

If only I could see the things occupying this room... It's not light enough, and my vision is blurry. But that's thanks to the lack of glasses.

If I could just scream... Someone, help... Am I screaming? I don't know...

"...think he's..."

"...check on... guess..."

Voices? Are there people outside? Or am I just imagining things? Gods, I hope not.

"...ahead, I'll wait..."

I heard the door creak open, and the blinding light coming from the other side caused me to shut my eyes. I think I groaned in complaint, but I don't know. A figure blocked the light, and then the door closed, leaving us in the dark.

I watched the figure begin to approach me, and something—possibly a hand—reached out. The next thing I know, I'm _screaming._ I can _feel_ the scream in my throat, and I want to claw at my neck until I bleed and go unconscious again. The pain is so horrible; I can't remember the last time I felt like this.

Something is yelled, but I can't hear it over my own scream. I feel the pain begin to die down, and eventually I stop yelling. My body numbs, and my vision comes back. I blink a few times, and it seems my glasses are back. But, weren't they smashed during our fight? I didn't bother to think it over.

"Why."

Wait, what? What was that?

I looked up, and my eyes took a moment to adjust. Then I found myself looking into blue eyes.

_Those_ blue eyes.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I still couldn't believe that he was alive. The fact was just... It was horrifying. I wanted to ask him 'why are you still here?' and 'where the hell am I?', but I couldn't. The screaming I had done had caused me to lose my voice temporarily.

"Why," was repeated, and this time I could understand. He wasn't asking. The look in his eyes, the look that I could see in the dim light, wasn't good. He looked... dead.

I managed to weakly shake my head, my breathing shallow.

"Why did you do it."

I shook my head again, unable to do anything else. I wanted to tell him to get out. To leave. Just go away, Al. You should be dead!

"Answer me, Mattie."

I can't. I'm sorry, Al. I don't know how to respond. I'm the one who should be asking the questions, anyways.

"Matthew."

Oh, so you change your tone, huh? There's no way I'll answer to that. I shook my head once again, and he moved. I realized that he was pressing at some sort of machine and -

The pain was back, and oh my gods. I can't breathe anymore. I swear, I could almost hear my scream. I'm screaming, and the pain is burning my skin, the insides of my body. The throbbing, _just make it stop._

I could hear him shout my name, but I was too busy screaming. Again, the pain died away and I looked up with tears falling down my face. This wasn't good. If he was able to change the numbness and what not, I must be in a hospital.

Now that I pay close attention, I can hear the beeps of my monitors, one for my racing heart, and the other for my system responses. I was in a freaking hospital. So... I survived. In a way, that was good _and_ bad. Good, because I wasn't invaded and destroyed. Bad, because Al and Arthur are still here.

"Are you going to answer my question, Mattie?"

I gasped for air, and managed to say, "Why..." But I wasn't sure if he could hear me.

The look in Al's eyes softened, or at least I thought they did. It was too dim to tell. He stepped closer, and I could see the light scratches on his face from our fight. But some looked fresher than the others. Could it be...? "Why did you do it?" he repeated, and this time it was a question.

"...dunno..." I whispered, letting out a small sob at the dull pain in my throat.

"You do know," he murmured, and I saw him reach out. But I didn't feel anything. Perhaps he was touching my face. But I didn't know. Whatever was in my system was fucking up my senses, and I didn't like it. But then again, I don't feel any pain. Except... "I don't want to have to hurt you, so please... Answer me..."

I tried shaking my head again, but I couldn't. So, I whispered, "Go away."

Apparently, he didn't like that. How could I tell? He lowered the amount of medicine flowing through my body, and I was screaming again. Gods, how many times was he going to do this? "Answer me, Matthew," he spat, and I shouted in pain, tears continuing to fall down my face. "Why won't you answer me?"

"...op..." I tried to tell him to stop, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I writhed on the hospital bed, knocking the hand touching my face away.

For another ten minutes or so, I cried and screamed. It appeared he was finished trying to be nice, and decided that I needed to suffer. If I were in the right mind, I would agree. But right now, I'd prefer he die over me being pain-free. He didn't die like I told him to, and now look at me!

"...out...!"

He hasn't given up yet! I see how it is!

I bit down on my lip, trembling in the effort to keep quiet. I wouldn't make a noise. Maybe if I were quiet, he would leave, and then I could fix the machines and just lay here in numbness.

"I'm not falling for it, Matthew."

I whimpered, eyes shut tight. I wouldn't cry out... I can't... Why isn't anyone here yet? I shook my head, the fire coursing through my body becoming unbearable. Dammit, leave already...

"Matthew."

No...

"Look at me, Matthew."

I can't...

"..." I could hear footsteps becoming further and further away from where I lay, and the door shut.

He's gone? I opened one eye, and when I could see no one, I gasped for air, shaking uncontrollably. Just reach for the machine, and...

Fall.

Wait, falling wasn't a part of the plan.

Why did I fall? Dammit! My monitor is going off! If I don't get myself medicine soon, I'll...

And everything suddenly went black.

**A/N:** And there you have it! There _will _be a third part, possibly fourth, depending on how far I take this. I didn't have any plans of continuing this, but again… Keep watch for the next part! I don't know when it'll be, but hopefully there won't be a large lapse between these two like last time.


End file.
